It would be good to tell you the story.  Who ever YOU may be.  Here we go…

We’ve always wanted kids, and used to say LOTS of kids.  Right now, I’m excited for one…hopeful for at least, one.  Since the spring of 2008, we’ve been trying.  Not forever, compared to some infertility stories, but long enough and painful enough.  I was always afraid of having trouble conceiving; it was terrifying to see that coming true.  Today, it has not been medically ruled out that I cannot get pregnant…just no clear reason.  Nor have we exhausted our medical options.  It came to an emotional and spiritual wearing out.  I couldn’t make another monthly decision as to what medicine, how to be inseminated, or [praise the Lord I can’t even remember what all my options were each month!] what not.  Not to mention, our insurance had reneged on previously agreed upon procedures after all those previously agreed upon procedures had been performed…expensive and confusing.

It was around that time I met with a friend who was just starting out her journey with infertility.  She shared with me that she was keeping a journal of prayers and Scriptures she was praying for their baby.  I thought “Yes that’s nice, I pray for my kids…sure, sure. Oh so sweet.” Then after our lunch, it hit me that I had become so focused on being pregnant, that I had lost sight of the child.  My prayers, for months,  had revolved around experiencing pregnancy.  I guess as you go through all that, you begin praying one step at a time…for healthy eggs, growing follicles, timing of release of follicles, and TMI on and on…but I still longed for that baby.  I began to pray for the child God might have for us.  In that, I believe He began to shift my focus.

When adoption crept in to my mind, I’d quickly try to “get there” and imagine myself pushing a jogging stroller with a cute little brown baby with a fro in it and imagine learning about how to maintain his/her hair. Other times, I’d just zap the thought and think “yes, yes…someday that might happen…much later…after we have a couple of our own.”  After that lunch, I let the word float around my head and heart.  I wrote it in my journal.  I eventually spoke it to Kent.  It took me a while to say the word to him.  I prepared him a week out with “I feel like God is doing some big things in my heart regarding baby things.  Be praying, and I’ll tell you about it this weekend.”  Amazingly, he was content with that bit of information.  I never would have been.

At that time, I describe Kent as “ready”…ready for me to be pregnant or ready for me to be ready to adopt.  He’s so patient and sweet.  I couldn’t have imagined going through all this with ANYONE else.  Our marriage has not been easy over the years and infertility seemed like another hurdle…it was another hurdle; it’s sweet to see how God brought us together through all of it.

Today, I’m super excited about adopting.  I don’t feel forced here.  I feel like this is what God has right now.  I didn’t make myself get here, I tried to do that and it did not work.  It took a while, but He brought this step…and I’m so grateful.  The sting of infertility is not gone.  It comes and goes as friends and family keep moving forward…another baby’s birthday, another pregnancy…sometimes I feel really stuck.  Infertility involves a lot of different losses, that keep showing their heads.  I’m not sure those feelings can go away completely.  Right now, I look forward to knowing what our story will be…to seeing what child God has for us.  It’s going to be a sweet story.  I’m excited to be able to tell it!

So, that’s how we came to adoption.

I can fill you in on the details from that point on later.  That is if my blogger insecurity doesn’t get in the way.  Thanks for reading!

from Kent:

Okay, so we started out with a bang, and we fizzled a bit. But we are back. I wanted to give you an update as to where we are on several fronts.